Your wife needs emotional intimacy, which is feeling relationally close to you. You are her husband. You are the man she has chosen to spend the rest of her life with. You are the one with whom she took covenant vows for better for worse. She desires and deserves emotional connection with you.

But sadly many women feel distant from their husbands. When was the last time you did something intentional to foster emotional closeness with your wife? According to popular author Gary Rosberg,

“A woman is honored by her husband when he listens to her, he connects with her, and then she begins to experience emotional intimacy. But a lot of times we don’t know how to do it. How do we let our wives into the interior of our hearts? Scripture has a lot to say. In 1 Peter 3:7, we read: ‘Husbands, in the same way, be considerate as you live with your wives and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.’ And when scripture says live with her as the weaker vessel, that doesn’t mean second class; it means she’s more fragile. You need to be tender. You need to be gracious. You need to be respectful of your wife.”

Your wife needs you emotionally. She needs closeness to you that is only found in healthy conversation. And she deserves better than your leftovers.

Heroic Husband Challenge #4: Your next challenge during this season of heroic manhood is to create a new level of emotional closeness with your wife. Here are a few suggestions:

  • Give Her Your Attention: Don’t try talking to her while the television is still on or while you are engaged in a task. Give her your undivided attention to make her feel connected to you.
  • Take Her Out: Go on dates or get away from the routine to create space for uninterrupted conversation and time to just be together.
  • Deepen The Conversation: Be strong enough to open up the cans you usually avoid. Ask her questions like: “How can I love you better?” “How do you feel about ____?” “How can I understand your heart better?” “What can I do to be a better husband?”
  • Listen Well: Listen to what she is saying. Echo what you hear then validate her feelings. If needed, empathize. You can do this. You may not enjoy it, but you can do it for her.
  • Share With Her: Volunteer information about your world and your feelings. Allow yourself to be vulnerable. You are not less of a man if you open up.
  • Remove Obstacles: Unresolved conflict, bitterness, unhealed wounds, or lack of forgiveness create obstacles to emotional closeness. Do what you can do to eliminate any things that may get in the way of connecting.
  • Have Fun Together: Find a hobby that you can share and that helps you talk more. Going for walks, riding bikes, gardening, etc. Share experiences together that allow you to connect on a routine basis.

Present your wife a love gift by connecting with her in some new way this week. Doing so may not feel like a gift to you because you have different primary needs than she does. But it will be a gift to her heart that she will eagerly receive. You know that your wife needs greater emotional connection with you. Make it happen now!

Going Further:

Take a simple step toward greater emotional connection by downloading a date night idea from the INTENTIONAL HUSBANDS page.